When people undertake to control their minds while they are burdened by mental loads–such as distracters, stress, or time pressure–the result [will] often be the opposite of what they intend. …
Individuals following instructions to try to make themselves happy become sad, whereas those trying to make themselves sad actually experience buoyed mood.
…
When people in these studies are encouraged to express their deepest thoughts and feelings in writing, they experience subsequent improvements in psychological and physical health. (See also Resistance is Futile on this blog.) Expressing oneself in this way involves relinquishing the pursuit of mental control, and so eliminates a key requirement for the production of ironic effects. After all, as suggested in other studies conducted in my lab with Julie Lane and Laura Smart, the motive to keep one’s thoughts and personal characteristics secret is strongly linked with mental control. Disclosing these things to others, or even in writing to oneself, is the first step toward abandoning what may be an overweening and futile quest to control one’s own thoughts and emotions.
When we relax the desire for the control of our minds, the seeds of our undoing may remain uncultivated, perhaps then to dry up and blow away.
Novelist Amy Bloom surveys the literature on happiness for the New York Times and distills these five essentials. I have recently rediscovered the importance of number 2.
The Fundamentally Sound, Sure-Fire
Top Five Components of
Happiness:
Be in possession of the basics — food, shelter, good health, safety.
Get enough sleep.
Have relationships that matter to you.
Take compassionate care of others and of yourself.
Have work or an interest that engages you.
I don’t see how even the most high-minded, cynical or curmudgeonly person could argue with that.
How you put your goals into language has a huge impact on their likelihood of success. Above all, be sure your goals describe specific, measurable results (SMRs).
1. Remove all references to time and change.
Pretend you are at the completion date, the SMR is achieved, and describe how it is. This is different from, and much more effective than standing in “today” and saying how it will (might) be.
Write every SMR in the present tense, as of the completion date. Instead of “I will weigh 160 pounds on August 12,” write “I weigh 160 pounds.”
Remove any reference to change or comparisons. That means no “more,” no “increase,” no “lose.”
2. State everything positively
Remove all “not,” “end,” and “stop.”
Write “I have been breathing only clean air for two weeks.” instead of “Stopped smoking two weeks ago.”
For SMRs that are continuingactivities or states, for example, “exercise for 30 minutes twice per week,” be specific about the performance period.
State exactly which weeks the activities will occur: 2 out of the last 3? All of the last 12? All are equally valid, you decide and specify a measure that describes a victory for you.
3. Banish all thoughts of how-to.
For now, consider only what you want. There’s time to work on the methods later.
Check to see if your SMR is actually a how-to for the SMR you really want.
One client had an SMR of “Eat vegetarian and visit the gym twice per week.” She changed it to “Going all day with energy and eagerness, caffeine-free.” Diet and exercise weren’t her goals, just how-tos. She got the result through a visit to her doctor and a specific treatment.
You have probably heard the old adage, “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.” Though often attributed to the very busy Lucille Ball, the insight may be as old as civilization. People who know how to get things done gain a reputation for effectiveness and have many opportunities to be busy.
My CEO executive coaching clients are very busy and receive many requests to get things done from employees, shareholders, clients, family members, churches, governments, non-profits, etc., etc. So many requests, in fact, that they often find themselves expending time and attention on things that are not their top priorities. They may also find themselves letting people down, backing out of promises, and feeling inadequate.
I often need to train my clients on how to say, “No.”
I developed my technique many years ago when I had established a strong reputation as an effective volunteer in an organization I supported. This reputation led to a deluge of requests, more than I could responsibly accept. Here is the formula:
Almost all job postings, yours included, describe the absolute minimally acceptable qualifications. Why aim low? You know people will stretch their credentials and experience a bit to apply, so describing the least you will accept will attract many résumés that are totally inappropriate. Sound familiar? Here’s the antidote, with credit and thanks to Vistage speaker Barry Deutsch, my guru for job ads. Some of his advice and training for hiring managers is here. Click here for much more from him.
Based on my memory of his talks and seeing the principles applied by many of my clients, here are some of the keys for writing an ad that attracts the right candidates:
When searching for a person to fill a job opening it seems natural to describe the history of the person you are seeking. That’s a mistake.
You’re not in business to hire people.
You’re in business to create results. Therefore…
Don’t describe the person–describe the results that person must produce to be successful.
Spend more time on what the person will be doing than what the company does.
Good candidates will go to the website to learn about you. Disqualify the ones who do not.
Write it from the seeker’s point of view, in the second person.
You love to help people get in action on their problems
You can’t walk away from your desk until everything is double checked, logged, and filed.
Describe breakout success
Too many job ads and descriptions detail the minimum requirements.
Describe outstanding success in detail, with numbers and vivid examples.
Make it interesting and compelling; describe a place the right candidate would be eager to go every day.
Sell your culture and values. Employees who resonate with your fundamentals will be productive long-term.
Americans today have plenty of time for leisure, says Professor John Robinson. Robinson is Professor of Sociology at the University of Maryland and Director of the Americans’ Use of Time Project.
What [Robinson] does not dispute is that people think they have no time. “It’s very popular, the feeling that there are too many things going on, that people can’t get in control of their lives,” he says. “But when we look at people’s diaries, there just doesn’t seem to be the evidence to back it up. It’s a paradox. When you tell people they have (more…)
I was thrilled to read in today’s New York Times the comments of $5B SunGard’s CEO, Cristóbal Conde. He shifted his management style several years ago after reaching the limits of the very methods that had brought him near the top.
Early on, I was very command-and-control, very top-down. I felt I was smart, and that my decisions would be better. I was young, and I was willing to work 20 hours a day. But guess what? It (more…)
When people undertake to control their minds while they are burdened by mental loads–such as distracters, stress, or time pressure–the result [will] often be the opposite of what they intend. …
Novelist Amy Bloom surveys the literature on happiness for the
Americans today have plenty of time for leisure, says 
I was thrilled to read in today’s
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