…integrating thinking and feeling is a desirable mental state, but many people have a hard time reasoning clearly when they’re upset, or bringing emotion into conceptual activities like planning.
Researchers have recently found that the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is very involved with weaving thought and feeling together. They’ve also shown that the conscious control of attention is centered in the ACC, which is measurably strengthened by activities that train attention such as meditation. In another example, studies have shown that tuning into the emotional states of others–a central component of empathy–depends on the activity of the insula. The insula also handles interoception, the sensing of the internal state of the body, so mental activities such as sensory awareness activate and eventually thicken the insula, and thereby increase empathy.
In effect, investigators have found that a method used for one purpose (meditation, or sensory awareness) can stimulate and strengthen brain regions that are also involved with another purpose (integrating thinking and feeling, or empathy).
—Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, author, and teacher with
a great interest in the intersection of psychology, neurology, and Buddhism.
He has written and taught extensively about the essential inner skills of personal well-being,psychological growth, and contemplative practice–as well as about relationships,family life, and raising children. A summa cum laude graduate of UCLA,Rick did management consulting before earning his Ph.D.
From the moment I could talk,
I was told that I should listen.
–Cat Stevens Father and Son
I assume that you already know and do not need to be convinced that:
Your most profitable sales and easiest growth come from existing clients.1
Unhappy customers are 5-20 times more likely to tell others about their bad experience than satisfied customers are to spread good news.2
A simple, high-return method of learning from your happy and unhappy customers, of knowing your customers better while making them more loyal to you is to listen to them. Customers are people and people love being listened to.
If you listen closely enough, your customers will explain your business to you.
I hesitate to share the details of my first breakthrough in selling because I once thought I was the only salesperson with this problem and, to put it bluntly, the reason for the problem makes me look like a jerk. What follows may be of no use to you because you’re probably one of the people who learned this in kindergarten or before.
Years ago, my business was deteriorating fast for lack of customers. One of my suppliers offered to become my sales coach to get me through the slump. She was a very effective salesperson, so I eagerly agreed. She had me demonstrate my pitch (I was still doing pitches in those days, but that’s another story.). She then tried repeatedly to alter my approach. I kept missing the point and she kept trying to make it simpler and more basic, searching for some fundamental, common ground where we could meet and communicate. She was running out of ideas and we were both low on patience.
I sensed a shift as she willed herself back from the brink of exasperation. Phyllis relaxed her shoulders, leaned toward me, and said, brightly, in her most charming southern accent, “Tony, do you like people?”
I knew the right answer, but it is foolish to lie to your coach, so I replied, “No, Phyllis, mostly I don’t.”
She was astonished into a rare silence. She sank back into her chair for support and appraised me cautiously, as if confronting a strange and dangerous beast. “Tony,” she asked, “why (more…)
Here’s how the process works. The day before meeting, your coworker brings you a list of five or six key objectives, detailing her progress on each. During the review on the following day, you simply assess the data and discuss how performance compares with objectives. Depending on the employee, this can be a short thirty-minute process, or take as long as two hours. [If you do this weekly or every day, as you might on a tight deadline or vital project, the meeting might last ten minutes. –Tony]
When an employee comes into your office, she should always bring a pen and paper and be required to take detailed minutes of the meeting. Once the meeting is over, the employee should make a photocopy of the minutes for your file. [This is a bit dated! Have the employee email a summary. For high value employees, use a (more…)
I was thrilled to read in today’s New York Times the comments of $5B SunGard’s CEO, Cristóbal Conde. He shifted his management style several years ago after reaching the limits of the very methods that had brought him near the top.
Early on, I was very command-and-control, very top-down. I felt I was smart, and that my decisions would be better. I was young, and I was willing to work 20 hours a day. But guess what? It (more…)
Disputes are inevitable any time you are working with people to produce significant results. What is not inevitable is dreading or delaying the confrontation required to resolve the conflict. Here’s how to get it over within one conversation.
My 3 Rs of dispute resolution are:
Relationship,
Responsibility, and
Request
RELATIONSHIP: Early in the conversation, state plainly the quality of the relationship you want to have with the person. Invite the other person to declare their intentions, too. A client once said to me, “I hope when we’re through negotiating this and we (more…)
If you have thought about getting a coach, I suggest you start by clicking here to watch my eight-minute video. I cover the most common questions of potential clients. The video is available in HD, so don’t hesitate to click the button for full screen.
For those who prefer reading to watching, here is (more…)
I have been very happy with my results from following the diet and exercise advice of Joe Dillon. I started the program in April of 2004 and quickly lost 26 pounds, reduced my resting heart rate, improved my cholesterol levels, and increased my strength and endurance. Since I like the food and workouts are easier than what I had been doing, I have stayed with the program ever since and am enjoying the longest non-obese period of my life.
A foundation of the program is a high-protein, low-carb diet. This is not Atkins. No shock, no bad breath, and–woefully–no bacon. The most convenient way I have found to get enough protein is with a shake. My recipe is below. Don’t be put off by (more…)
…integrating thinking and feeling is a desirable mental state, but many people have a hard time reasoning clearly when they’re upset, or bringing emotion into conceptual activities like planning.
I assume that you already know and do not need to be convinced that:
Just Ask Leadership: Why Great Managers Always Ask the Right Questions
I was thrilled to read in today’s 
Disputes are inevitable any time you are working with people to produce significant results. What is not inevitable is dreading or delaying the confrontation required to resolve the conflict. Here’s how to get it over within one conversation.
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