An executive coach once asked me, “Is it ever appropriate to interrupt while your client is speaking?” My response is, “Yes,” for the following reasons:
There are some clients who just will not stop. If I do not interrupt they will talk to exhaustion. Often, they are talking about or around the issue and filling the bandwidth to subtly avoid dealing with the issue.
Sometimes I sense that the client is so immersed in the minutia that they have lost their point–and, often, are boring themselves, too.
The client may be demonstrating exactly the behavior that is keeping them locked in the situation we are working to release, so an interruption pointing to the behavior is the way to free the client. My interruption sometimes takes the form of, “You’re doing it right now.” or “Do you recognize that speaking in this way is exactly what keeps it the way it is?”
Still, I am certain that a big part of my value is intense, patient, appreciative listening. I can’t go too far wrong by listening a little “too long.” For coaches, silence really is golden. As one client told me, “I appreciate the way you let silence do the heavy lifting.”
Excellent description, Doctor, where’s the prescription?
Professor Csikszentmihalyi has done a great service by distilling his decades of research into happiness and satisfaction into a well constructed single volume. He writes with wit, insight, and character. His vast learning is often evident but never overbearing.
The book ultimately fails, however, for it invests all of its considerable power in describing Flow and convincing the reader to seek this optimal experience but does too little to (more…)
I went through extreme depressions, glooms. There was one occasion on which I decided actually to commit suicide.
I’d got into this state — I was working as a lab assistant at the school, and what would happen was that I’d make tremendous efforts to push myself up to a level of optimism. I’d do it in the evenings by reading poetry, thinking, writing in my journals, then I’d go back to the school the next day and blaaahhh, right down to the bottom again. This was the feeling of The Mind Parasites — there’s something that waits until you’ve got lots of energy and just sucks you dry like a vampire. This sudden feeling that God was (more…)
The following is an excerpt from: STARTUP by Jerry Kaplan
…I first learned the truth about scientific progress from my Ph.D. dissertation advisor at the University of Pennsylvania.
A shy Indian man with a shiny, balding head and an occasional stutter, Dr. Joshi was widely known for his brilliant work in artificial intelligence. Our weekly meetings to help me find a thesis topic were more like therapy sessions than academic discussions. Most of the time he would (more…)
The Conference Board has published an update to its survey of executive coaching fees. According to the survey, “the most commonly stated fee [for executive coaching of CEOs and their direct reports] is greater than $500 per hour. I found this a bit odd, not because of the price level but because the top executive coaches I know do not charge by the hour but for a term of service. This was confirmed later in the Conference Board report.
Executive coaching engagements are typically six months or one year in duration, according to the survey, and fees range from $13,000 to $30,000 for six months.
My experience is consistent with those figures.
Readers may also find it interesting that executive coaching is common and growing not just in the US but in Europe and Asia. Rates are the same in Europe as in the US and have risen significantly around the world.
Experiencing would views different from my own is a fascinating and capacity-building exercise for me as an executive coach. Effective coaching requires me to respect and distinguish the discourses1 that determine and limit my CEO clients’ potential space for action. One way I build this skill is by reading novels and listening to interviews with people from cultures and careers that I would not (more…)
Chris Peterson, Ph.D. reports that the character strength that distinguishes the best leaders at West Point is the capacity to love and be loved.
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Jane Dutton’s work shows that “high quality connections,” which she acknowledges can be understood as love, are the difference between low performing and high performing workplaces.
Soon after I began my work doing one-to-one executive coaching with CEOs I noticed a particular sensation that was present after most of my meetings with clients. I experienced a distinct flavor of (more…)
One of my favorite radio programs and podcasts is the non-denominational, non-doctrinaire Speaking of Faith with Krista Tippett. Krista interviews deep thinkers with important ideas about the essential human experiences of awe, eternity, and community. Every show leads me to reflect deeply and, very often, to live a happier, more involved life. I consider it one of the most nurturing practices of my continual development as an executive coach.
A recent guest was Esther Sternberg, Ph.D., an expert on immunology and stress. She relates the remarkable history of stress’s role in health and healing. It seems that every culture has always known that emotional and physical stressors contribute to (more…)
Charles Darwin’s depression left him “not able to do anything one day out of three,” choking on his “bitter mortification.” He despaired of the weakness of mind that ran in his family. “The ‘race is for the strong,’ ” Darwin wrote. “I shall probably do little more but be content to admire the strides others made in Science.”
Recently, I noticed that I was lethargic, frequently irritated, and found most thoughts of the future unappealing. At first, I was sure the circumstances were the cause. If you look closely enough at (more…)
Your disposition in this moment constrains the actions you might take in the next. If you are sitting at a desk you cannot immediately leap forward. If you are angry, you are not able to gently embrace your antagonist. If you are speaking loudly and quickly, you cannot listen to subtle cues.
There is a place from which the broadest variety of actions is possible: the (more…)
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An executive coach once asked me, “Is it ever appropriate to interrupt while your client is speaking?” My response is, “Yes,” for the following reasons:
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