While coaching many top executives I have noticed that managers seeking “advice” are often just avoiding a confronting conversation. I remind them of some wisdom embedded in the development of our language.
Con is Latin for “with.” Con-front is to face something together, to move forward in unison. Doesn’t that make confrontation more appealing? Appealing or not, it is a big part of every manager’s job.
Versare meant to turn or change, especially to open or close a door. In early English a con-versation meant talking with a person to make a change, to open some doors and close others. This also is a big part of managing.
Still, not everyone knows or remembers how to have these confronting conversations. Here is my step-by-step guide, for free: tiny.cc/toughtalk
See also, on this blog, step-by-step conversation instructions with video here: The Conversation Contract.
During the 1980s, I was an avid admirer of Ayn Rand‘s philosophy of Objectivism. The greatest expression of this devotion was the following short story. The germ of the idea came from this news event. I was very proud of my story at the time. I offered it to only three magazines. I was shocked by their responses.
My rejection letters from The New Yorker and Esquire are below. The Atlantic Monthly did not bother to respond.
Reading the story now, it seems much more righteous and judgmental than I admit to being today. I still love the rhythm of certain sentences, the cinematic clarity of the settings and some of the word play, for example, the double meaning of the title and the triple meaning of DRILLER. Comments are welcome, of course, but please remember that I am no longer the author. He has grown away.
He pressed his fingers to the throb in his temple. Not to ease the pain, but to focus on the rhythmic pressure and blot out his sister’s insistence. Her unpersuasive words sought to compensate with repetition and emotion what they lacked in evidence and reason.
“Please Randall, if ever family mattered it is really important now.” Yes, Rachel, he thought as she talked. I know family matters, that is exactly why I am sitting at your kitchen table on a weekday morning. Being part of this family is why his day had detonated from the usual historical exposition to this hysterical exposition. If he were not born a Fleischer, Randall would still be at his desk, working on his next book.
Randall had just finished his daily preparing-to-get-ready-to-start-to-write rituals and was about to fill the computer screen with historical in-sight when the telephone rang. The first surprise was that the caller was his literary agent. Franklin called for only two reasons, either to report that Randall’s latest book had been sold to a publisher or to report that the publisher was impatient to receive the final draft of Randall’s latest book. Since Errors of Democracy had been purchased only three months ago, he could not imagine a reason for this interruption.
“Rand, what is your father’s first name?”
“Otto. And my mother’s maiden name was Calabrisi.” Randall was playful. “Is this some kind of identity check, Franklin? Are you going to pass along a secret message to me?”
“I’m afraid its no secret, friend. Something terrible has happened. The news is filled with reports that your father was… Rand, do you know what your father did during the war?”
The power of being unsure, of remaining “in the inquiry” rather than settling for easy answers.
How to feel okay with yourself by helping others feel okay.
Presenting to Fortune 500 company executives.
The trap of over preparing your presentation.
Your brain’s skill for anticipating the future—and the dangerous illusions that creates.
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This short Chicago Booth Convocation speech by Carlyle Group founder William Conway, MBA ’74, is, like Bill himself, straight-forward, humble, wise, and kind. What a great message for new graduates.
This clever infographic summarizes some of the research on the negative health effects of job stress. People similar to my clients, “Senior Corporate Executives,” are in the third worst jobs. It does not include the job my nephew had in Afghanistan, removing mines and IEDs, but other than combat the listed jobs do seem very stressful. Plus, soldiers have access to a great stress reducer not often available to business leaders: loyal comrades.
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